{4 months & a scare....}

my little bug,

4 months little girl.. i can hardly believe it. this month proved to be the most challenging (okay, maybe not as hard as the first couple weeks), but also a month where you have made lots of changes! you went through a massive growth spurt at 3.5 months where you went back to waking up every 3 hours. I just got too spoiled with you, that you needed to teach me some patience. ;) It was a veeeeeeeery long week for the both of us. and i cant explain the joy i felt when you finally got over it. But it made me appreciate you so much, little girl. We also had a scare at the doctors office at your 4 month appointment (see story below). It was really hard for me to watch you go through something that big and scary- get used to it mom, right? Your dad and I know that everything will be okay. It was just my first time, as a mom, watching my baby go through something where i felt so helpless. But hopefully that is as far as the "scariness" goes, for right now, at least.

Some new things this month:
- you rolled over for the first time! at 3 months and 3 days you were having some tummy time. I was trying to take a picture of you and you plopped right over on to your back! i was so shocked. Grammie was watching you too and said to make you do it again to see if it was an accident. NOPE! you did it 4 times after that! it was awesome. it made me sad for a minute cause it was the first mobile thing you did.. and i know its just the start of it all. but i was so proud of you rowan, good job!
- you have started throwing teeny little tantrums after you are done eating.... everytime. its really fun.
-you grab at EVERYTHING! you hold on to my clothes while you eat, you hold on to your burp cloth while you are getting burped, you hold on to your straps while you are in your carseat, you hold on to your blankie while you sleep (the list goes on). you just love to get those hands on anything!
-you are starting to suck on everything. whatever is in your hand, goes straight to that mouth! you have figured out how to grab your clothes, so we can usually find a huge wet spot on every outfit ;)
-you have turned into quite the little momma's girl. you hardly let anyone else hold you (except for dad!). you will scream and scream until i come and get you and then you are completely fine. i thought that wasn't supposed to happen for a few months?!? its hard sometimes, but it does make me feel so loved!
-your arm movements are much more controlled now and you can grab at things that are in front of your face, whether it be toys, or your clothes. its so fun to see you focus on something and grab it.
-you get startled quite easily, but never cry.
- you giggled for the first time at 3 months and 3 weeks. it was still little, but I wanted to cry it was the cutest thing i have every heard!! a few people have made you giggle since... and it makes us all laugh and laugh.
- you still hate your back to be scratched, i think that is so funny.

4 month stats:
weight: 12.4 lbs (20%)
height: 25 inches (78%)
head: 15 inches (19%)

i love you so much sweet baby of mine. even if this month was a little less than perfect, we still couldn't be more grateful for you. your daddy and i look back to before you were in our family and we cant imagine life being more full of joy and happiness without you here.

the world is yours rowan,
love, momma

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after this story i know people are going to be saying, you freaked over that?  but like i said above, it was the first time (of many, im sure) where my baby might be going through something EXTREMELY difficult and i cant do anything about it. and maybe if anyone has gone through this before, maybe offer a word of advice?

At rowans 2 month appt, our pediatrician was booked, so we saw someone else for that month. This guy was really nice- but he mentioned to me that rowans "soft spot" was a little smaller than normal, and to keep my eye on it. In my anatomy class, we studied about babies' soft spots. the purpose of them is so that skull bones dont fuse together so that brain can grow. he told me that if they fused together they would have to basically cut/saw/drill whatever her skull open. because if they dont do that procedure.. there can be alot of stunts in the brain development. however, the dr. reassured me that he had only seen this in 1 baby in the 25 years he had worked there. i kind of brushed it off.

Since rowan was 2 months, she started sleeping 8-10 hours a night. what can i say? the girl loves to sleep. more power to her! but since she started sleeping that long, her head has gotten pretty flat in the back. when i started noticing it, i really tried to put her on her side and have more tummy time, but she finds her way back to being flat. i was nervous for her 4 month appt, because i thought for sure they would tell me that she needs a helmet. which is definitely not the worst thing in the world- but i knew she would be miserable. she hates things on her head! so at this appointment with our regular pediatrician, i mentioned the flat head and he took a look at it.

as rowan was turned to her side, he started feeling around her head and said her soft spot was about half the size of what it should be. i didn't think it was going to be that bad, so i panicked a little bit inside. and he started talking about the premature fusion of the bones as well. i told him the other doctor had mentioned that as well, but what was i supposed to be looking for? then he started telling me about "ridges". and if the bones had fused together that there would be a ridge. he started to feel around her head a little more and said "well, i think i feel a ridge right here."

instantly, im sick to my stomach.

instantly, images of my four month old baby in an operating room.. getting her skull sawed open, pop into my head.

and i dont even want to start talking about the thoughts i had of what could go wrong during on operation of that magnitude. (why do i do that to myself?)

he suggested that we head over to the hospital and get x-rays of her skull.

THANK HEAVENS jord was at the appointment with me. He wasn't at the last one, but for some reason, he wasn't working that morning, so i wanted him to come. I was absolutely hysterical leaving that office... and in the car... and sitting at the hospital filling out paperwork waiting for our turn to get x-rays. I guess i wouldn't have been as freaked out if it had been an arm, or a leg, or whatever else (although, i still would be hysterical). but it was something surrounding her brain. it just scared me so bad... i mean, I have never had x-rays done on my head. so why should my four month old child be doing this?  i was crying too much when the nurse said that only one of us could go in the room with her. so i told jord he should go in. he told me that it was a good thing i didn't go- cause rowan was screaming. getting strapped down from head to toe... who wouldnt be???

anyway, they called us back. and luckily, they havent fused quite yet. we are so blessed. it still scares me so much that this huge procedure could be done on such a tiny baby. we are keeping a watchful eye on her to do all we can to avoid that.

we count our blessings everyday.